WHACKOTV.COM
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THE LITANY OF DISCLAIMERS
THIS IS OUR POSITION
and we stand by it.


WHACKO-TV wants you to know that this site is not an offer to sell securities, stocks, bonds or other adhesives and you should only apply to affected area. Some of the videos on this site may be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp your feet or scream loudly, as this could disturb those who are living above or below you. This site is only for recreational use and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. 

Any offer we do make is void where prohibited, especially where one actually voids. Some assembly may be required and please list each check separately by bank number when transferring funds to our bank. Batteries not included, and if you are using rechargeable batteries, mother earth thanks you, so does the electric company, those bastards keep raising our rates too, and please do not over-charge. 

Contents may settle during shipment due to packet shrinkage when traveling over long distances on the Internet, especially through the state of Alaska, where the Internet is truly a set of tubes. Use only as directed. And if you have not been directed, get a director with some knowledge of plot movement and character arc. No other warranty expressed or implied, unless you have some kind of intense implication complex. 

Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment and this includes mouse devices manufactured before 1981. Anything you do after reading or watching this site is subject to approval; we just donít know who might approve it. All models depicted on this site are over 18 years of age, but some of the stuffed animals are younger, but are subject to the PETA/SAG agreement of working conditions and hours. But if the conditions persist, we will consult a health care practitioner and stuffed animal stuffer. No user-serviceable parts are inside this web site and hackers are on their own. If you can crack this sucker, more power to you.
 
This web site is freshest if eaten before date on carton, although cursor arrows maybe harmful if swallowed whole. Again, swallowing is fine, but do munch the damn arrows. This web site is subject to change without notice, and then sometimes, we will change it and then tell you, really hard to tell. 

Times approximate and the simulated pictures we use are all actual size, except when we state it otherwise. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement and once again, PETA will be called if you break a seal. CAUTION: Water-boarding a seal does nothing, donít waste your time.
 
For off-road use only and when you are on the road, do not attempt to drive and surf the Internet, unless you are really stupid. Yes, this is the same site as seen on TV. One size fits most, but then, if you are bigger, you might want to get a bigger size. And no matter what size you use, this is no guarantee that you will not get some STDs, whatever they are.
 
Many suitcases look alike. Many twins look alike. Many cans of soup look alike, why do we have to say this again? WHACKO-TV contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients, and other things that have not been tested by the FDA. Colors may fade over time, but our flag was still there.
 
Your mouse may be slippery when wet and of course is for external use only. WHACKO-TV and its sponsors, and hangers-on are not affiliated with the Government of Kazakhstan. If you find portions of our programs laying around on the street, please drop in any mailbox. Some of the videos have been edited for television, even though there is no fucking way any of this shit will be on TV, here or abroad.
 
Do not disturb when do not disturb sign is placed on the doorknob. Remember to keep cool, until some of our half-baked ideas ripen then rot. (Thanks Woody). Process promptly because the Post office will not deliver without postage. Penalty for unauthorized use. Please remember to return to sender and keep your eyes out for falling rock. WHACKO-TV takes no responsibility for any idiot who actually takes his or her eyes out.
 
Lost ticket pays maximum rate. You must be present to win. No forwarding order on file. Do not write below this line. No purchase necessary. Price does not include taxes. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
 
WHACKO-TV is only available at participating locations. Avoid contact with skin, but if you do, shoot some video and send it to us.  Place stamp here. Our restaurant package is not for resale. Your cancelled check is your receipt. But let us ask you, why did you send us a check anyway?  Add toner when printer says ADD TONER. This site has been sanitized for your protection. Our bandwidth is slightly higher west of the Mississippi, but then, most of our bandwidth is pretty high, like our writers.
 
Employees and their families are not eligible to vote on stories and videos. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions for more accurate cheating. This site is totally a limited time offer. Some equipment shown is optional, all others use Viagra. Use only in well-ventilated area.  Only replace with same type. Portions prerecorded. No solicitors. No anchovies. Hold the mayonnaise, extra ketch-up and no onions. The use of the term ONION has nothing to do with the site about ONIONS and good humor. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging.

Driver does not carry cash. Keep away from fire or flame. No passes accepted for this engagement. This supersedes all previous notices. Guys this is way too long, ask the lawyers if we can cut this back a bit. And donít post this on the site. Those jagoffs have to understand that we donít care about this shit. 

Thwig Salgoud